How does your relationship hold up? Answer the following questions to see if there may be something amiss.
|The person I am with:||Circle One|
|1. Is very supportive of things that I do.||Yes||No|
|2. Encourages me to try new things.||Yes||No|
|3. Likes to listen when I have something on my mind.||Yes||No|
|4. Understands that I have my own life too.||Yes||No|
|5. Is disliked by my friends.||Yes||No|
|6. Says I’m too involved in different activities.||Yes||No|
|7. Texts me or calls me all the time.||Yes||No|
|8. Thinks I spend too much time trying to look nice.||Yes||No|
|9. Gets extremely jealous or possessive.||Yes||No|
|10. Accuses me of flirting or cheating.||Yes||No|
|11. Constantly checks up on me or makes me check in.||Yes||No|
|12. Controls what I wear or how I look.||Yes||No|
|13. Tries to control what I do and who I see.||Yes||No|
|14. Tries to keep me from seeing or talking to my family and friends.||Yes||No|
|15. Has big mood swings – gets angry and yells at me one minute, and the next minute is sweet and apologetic.||Yes||No|
|16. Makes me feel nervous or like I’m “walking on eggshells.”||Yes||No|
|17. Puts me down, calls me names or criticizes me.||Yes||No|
|18. Makes me feel like I can’t do anything right or blames me for problems.||Yes||No|
|19. Makes me feel like no one else would want me.||Yes||No|
|20. Threatens to hurt me, my friends or family.||Yes||No|
|21. Threatens to hurt him or herself because of me.||Yes||No|
|22. Threatens to destroy my things.||Yes||No|
|23. Grabs, pushes, shoves, chokes, punches, slaps, holds me down, throws things or hurts me in some way.||Yes||No|
|24. Breaks things or throws things to intimidate me.||Yes||No|
|25. Yells, screams or humiliates me in front of other people.||Yes||No|
|26. Pressures or forces me into having sex or going farther than I want to.||Yes||No|
Give yourself 1 point for every “no” you answered for numbers 1-4.
Give yourself 1 point for every “yes” you answered on numbers 4-8.
Give yourself 5 points for every “yes” response on numbers 9-26.
Now that you’re finished and have your score, the next step is to find out what it means. Simply take your total score and see which of the categories below apply to you.
Score: 0 Points
You got a score of zero? Don’t worry — it’s a good thing! It sounds like your relationship is on a pretty healthy track. Maintaining healthy relationships takes some work — keep it up!
Score: 1-2 Points
If you scored one or two points, you might be noticing a couple of things in your relationship that are unhealthy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are warning signs. It’s still a good idea to keep an eye out and make sure there isn’t an unhealthy pattern developing. The best thing to do is to talk to your partner and let them know what you like and don’t like. Encourage them to do the same. Remember, communication is always important when building a healthy relationship. It’s also good to be informed so you can recognize the different types of abuse.
Score: 3-4 Points
If you scored three or four points, it sounds like you may be seeing some warning signs of an abusive relationship. Don’t ignore these red flags. Something that starts small can grow much worse over time. No relationship is perfect but in a healthy relationship you won’t find abusive behaviors.
Score: 5 or More Points
If you scored five or more points, you are definitely seeing warning signs and may be in an abusive relationship. Remember the most important thing is your safety — consider making a safety plan.
©Love Is Respect 2012